for a good friend of mine, hang on!

In yahoo messenger this afternoon, I met my good friend.

He seemed so blue and depressed. He said that life becomes so meaningless and nothing good came to his life. It occurred to him that maybe death would be good for he could meet his belated lovely mom, then. 

I sighed deeply reading the sentence before my eyes. “I know how it feel. I could understand you. But, I don’t think your mom would like to meet you that way, you know…” 

I really did. I knew how he felt. And I just couldn’t believe what I’ve been through for so long and how my experiences could be my strength to help others, my good friend. I mean, when I was there, in the situation where everything went wrong and how one mistake led to another, death smelled sweet and sounded nice too. That was the easiest way of it all for I didn’t have to live my life in doom and gloom anymore. So that I didn’t have to carry all the burden of mistakes I made. That was heavy, way too heavy.

Therefore my dear friend, it wasn’t a lip service at all, I did really know how you feel. All I could say here is that sometimes you have to make peace with yourself. You are not perfect, and people know that. It’s okay to be gloomy sometimes, it’s okay to take a rest for a while, and it’s okay to be angry for you don’t have to look happy all the time. At least don’t be a fake in front of me, because I am your friend who wishes to see true colors of yours. And please, let me help you release the burden. Let me accompany you like when there were so many of you, good friends, have accompanied me through the long rough road. So, let me do the same thing as you did to me.    

Anyway, I loved when he said: “God hates me, but I’d forgiven Him already. I showed Him how much I care about Him. I pray, more than I used to.” I smiled reading the line. If only he sat in front of me, he would see my tears hanging on the corner of my eyes. In such situation, what’s more than a good humor (the one that I was lack of when I was ‘there’). And by then, I knew that he was stronger than I used to. So that I knew he’d be fine; because I am fine now. 

He asked me to see the dark sky at night if I ever wanted to meet him. So I opened the curtain to see the clear sky with the dancing stars as I recite what REM sang to me many many nights before now: “… Don’t let yourself go, cause everybody cries, and everybody hurts, sometimes, sometimes everything is wrong… hang on…” 

And tonight my dear friend, I let Miles Davis and friends play the “Blue in Green” for us. Cheers!  

::10:58PM; February 4, 2008 at Kerismas Hostel,

National University of Malaysia::

~ by nisa felicia faridz on February 5, 2008.