forever young

Sambil mendengarkan “Hasta Siempre Che Guevara”, saya teringat salah satu penggalan kisah dari Khalifah Umar adalah ketika beliau berpidato, sebagai politikus, di hadapan rakyat yang notabene adalah kaum muslimin. Usai beliau berpidato, seorang pemuda berdiri dan mengacungkan pedangnya seraya berteriak: “Wahai Umar, apabila kami melihat engkau menyimpan, maka kami akan meluruskanmu dengan pedang ini!” Dan sang Khalifahpun bersyukur, secara spontan beliau mengucap hamdallah karena masih ada manusia, dan ia adalah pemuda, yang berani mengungkapkan kebenaran.

Ingatan ini membawa saya kepada memori yang lain, pada suatu malam di beranda depan rumah saya, diantara banyak malam-malam yang saya alami bersama mereka, sekitar lima tahun setelah putih – abu abu tidak kami kenakan lagi. Mungkin karena dipengaruhi kopi instan dan mie instan, maka sering kami menjadi pejuang politik instan juga^^. Saat itu kami yang baru menginjak dua puluhan merasa semakin miskin, karena ketika tidak lagi berlabel ‘mahasiswa’, kami mulai tersentuh kepada dunia nyata yang begitu demanding, yang menuntut kami untuk pelan-pelan melepaskan kekayaan kami yang paling kami cintai, idealisme.

Beberapa orang memetik hikmah dari penggalan kisah Khalifah Umar dengan mengatakan: “Masih muda tetapi berani menantang Khalifah. Hebat betul ia!” Tetapi saya justru mengatakan sebaliknya: “Sebab ia masih muda maka ia dapat menantang beliau.” Diikuti dengan sikap positif kawan saya: “Ya doain aja sampai tua orang-orang yang seperkasa pemuda itu bisa tetap perkasa, bisa terus konsisten menjaga nurani bangsa, tidak merasa didesak oleh kemiskinan, keinginan, dan kekuasaan.” Dan biasanya pembicaraan demikian; yang dengan iringan lagu-lagu balada seputar Iwan Fals, Ebiet, atau Redemption Song; akan membawa hati saya yang konon katanya agak alot (kalau tidak mau dibilang keras) ini kepada satu tekad: “Saya tidak akan melepaskan idealisme dan mimpi-mimpi saya, sampai tua, sampai akhir hayat.”

Dan saya yakin setiap manusia hidup dalam pilihan. Selalu ada pilihan. Dan selalu ada konsekuensi di balik pilihan mereka. Begitu pula dengan saya. PhD di Malaysia atau tidak; pulang ke Jakarta atau tidak; main softball terus atau berhenti; menyerah atau terus; menjadi oposisi atau pendukung; menjadi Rahmatan Lil Alamin atau hedonis; … menjadi pemuda sepanjang hayat atau tunduk pada usia.

La haula wala quwwata illa billah…

doa bukan basa-basi

Allah Maha Tahu, segala isi dan bagian terdalam dari hati dan fikiran manusia. Bukan saja perasaan dan ide-ide di kepalaku, bahkan Ia mengetahui apa yang tidak aku sadari. Maka mana mungkin aku dapat membohongi-Nya?

Doa adalah komunikasiku dengan-Nya. pengakuan atas ketakutanku, curahan hatiku, dan permintaanku untuk dikasihani-Nya. Doa adalah jembatan tak kasat mata yang menghubungkan kasih sayangku kepada saudara dan teman-temanku, kepada mereka yang menyayangiku, yang mendukung dan menolongku, agar Ia yang kuasa dapat membalas semua budi mereka (amin).

Allah tahu sakit pedih dan sayat-sayat yang belum kering dalam jiwaku. Allah tahu amarah dan benci yang belum padam betul dalam dadaku. Aku dapat berpura-pura, berbasa-basi mengatakan bahwa semuanya sudah kurelakan dengan lapang, kumaafkan tanpa syarat dendam. aku hanya dapat mengatakan semua itu kepadamu; tetapi aku tidak dapat mengatakan hal yang sama kepada-Nya. Ia terlalu mengenalku, maka mana mungkin aku membohongi-Nya?

Doa adalah harapan, adalah optimisme, adalah dukungan yang amat berharga, dipanjatkan kepada Ia yang sebenarnya telah mengetahui apa yang kita hendaki, apa yang kita minta, apa yang kita cita-citakan. maka mana mungkin aku membohongi Ia yang telah mengenal mengetahui segala tentangku lebih daripada aku mengenali diriku sendiri?

hal yang terlalu sedih kurasakan setelah kedua salam kuucapkan dan telah kutolehkan kepalaku ke kiri dan ke kanan, adalah ketika aku mengatakan dalam batinku: “aku tidak dapat mendoakanmu, karena aku tidak mungkin membohongi-Nya…”

some men dont take “no” for the answer?! crap!

“Some men don’t take ‘No’ for the answer,” that’s what I heard.

But I had never thought that that kind of men are so damn annoying. No matter how the N and O was written between the line, with red bold pen and underlined, they kept couldn’t read it. Or they just simply didn’t want to? And why in the world they didn’t want to understand the genuine meaning of those two letters: don’t try anymore now or later / don’t hope and please stop it / you bug me to death / if you keep trying then you would make fun of yourself.

I don’t know if I sent wrong gestures, but all I know is that I explained a lot, properly, and respectfully, as grown ups do, about how uncomfortable I was whenever he expressed his adoration towards me. If you still couldn’t understand that, I don’t want to think that it was my fault who clearly and politely said that I didn’t want you to call me anymore. I don’t want to think that probably I gave wrong message. I don’t want to think that I didn’t put the words in order so that he couldn’t feel how I was so annoyed by his behavior. No, I don’t think I made wrong about this. But I am not saying that he’s the one who was too ignorant about this, that would be too rude. Maybe, he is just simply a member of the group; a group of men who are too ‘assertive’ (see, I still try to use positive term here) and proudly say “I don’t take ‘no’ for the answer. I won’t stop just because you say ‘no’. You say ‘no’ just because you don’t know how charming I actually am… blablabla …” A group of men who loved themselves too much that they couldn’t let other people disagree about how loveable they are. Or… maybe just too weak to accept the rejection and then they make-believe that they are always loved, that there will never be a rejection in any term for them. They always think no matter how and what happen, … Oh, see, I am so frustrated that I am angry now.

 This is definitely NOT what I want for now, for this time. I should feel good about myself; rebuild my self-esteem, being a self-assured person as I always used to be. But this kind of guy doesn’t help at all instead he made me want to shout: “Ouuugh! Enough please!!!” Then this good friend of mine once told me: “We men sometimes ‘read’ the word differently. When you act like you don’t want us, we tend to think that you play ‘hard to get’. So, we don’t stop and consider you women are just trying to act like you don’t want us, like you are really damn good and worth all effort. That is natural, although sometimes women like that can be very irritating…”

BAM! Suddenly I came up with another hypothesis of his ‘never surrender’ behavior. Oh my God, would he think that I did play the ‘hard to get’ so that he felt that this is a challenge?

I don’t know what else to say… speechless yet hoping that he didn’t think I played the hard to get stuff that never even crossed in my head. I never had been ever good in the game of love. This is not my field and never been interested at all to be the MVP for this game either!

 Believe me that I am not interested at all. You keep trying to please me, calling me those names that mean ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ that didn’t even help me to like you even better. Those pleas you asked me only made yourself even lower in my eyes. Why would you do that? What made you think that I would respect you more when you desperately showed that you need me to like you, accept you, and moreover, to love you? Those things you did to me only assured me how pathetic you are.

And I shouldn’t be with someone who’s desperately dreaming of me each night and wishing to be with me, following me wherever I am going. I am very sorry. I don’t want to be rude and sarcastic.

My friend, I’ve got so many plans (as my best friend called them instead of ‘dreams’ ^^) and frankly speaking, you are not in the list. I am so sorry. I thank you, it’s nice to know that I somehow could be endearing.

 But please, respect my decision.

Thank you.

wind of change bertiup di malaysia…kah?

Apakah banyak yang memprediksi kalau PRU (Pilihanraya Umum) ke-12 tahun 2008 ini akan mengukir sejarah baru negri jiran yang sejahtera dan stabil ini?

Terus terang saya tidak tahu, karena sebelum masyarakat ‘mengundi’ (mencoblos), saya malah memperhatikan bagaimana media dikuasai oleh BN (Barisan Nasional), partai koalisi yang pro-kerajaan (gabungan antara UMNO, MIC, dan MCA). Saluran-saluran tivi yang major, sebutlah TV3 dan RTM2, memberikan ruang yang sangat sedikit untuk partai pembangkang (oposisi) melakukan kampanye. Begitu juga di radio-radio, terlalu didominasi BN. Jalan-jalan di sekitar Bandarbaru Bangi (daerahnya UKM) juga lebih banyak biru – putih (BN) walaupun masih bisa dilihat ada bendera hijau dengan bulatan putih di beberapa sudut jalan (PAS). Sementara kalau di Putrajaya, atribut PAS ataupun DAP dan Keadilan hanya basa-basi saja, sekedar membela diri: “Malaysia berdemokrasi kok, kita memberikan kesempatan yang sama kepada semua partai…”

BN ambisius merebut Kelantan, negeri yang unik di barisan Timur Malaysia, yang sejarahnya menunjukkan bahwa masyarakat negeri tersebut, di mana Cina begitu harmonis dengan Melayu dan di mana Cina menggunakan bahasa Melayu sehari-hari dengan baik; lebih pro kepada PAS bukannya BN. PAS yang memang sudah bertahun-tahun memerintah negeri itu dinilai sukses mempersatukan masyarakat yang berbagai etnik. Nah, ceritanya (dan ini cerita, jangan dirujuk sebagai data valid dan reliable ya) BN berkampanye dengan ‘ngongkosin’ perantau-perantau dari Kelantan untuk balik kampong dan mengundi di Kelantan. Dan yang terjadi tahun ini tetaplah: Ambil duitnya, jangan pilih partainya (satu slogan yang sangat menarik dan juga sempat saya lihat di angkot lebak bulus – ciputat hehe).

Dan ya, teteup pembangkang menang di sana. Di Sungai Long – Kajang, perempuan-perempuan Cina dengan tank top membawa poster PAS pada hari mengundi (oiya, PAS ini adalah partai Islam yang konservatif) dan mereka tentu mendukung pembangkang. India juga dengan kasus Hindraf-nya membuat mereka yang lebih peka dan educated akhirnya mendukung pembangkang. Tidak peduli etnik ataupun agama, selama kepentingan masih sejalan, mari jalan sama-sama. Dan nampaknya benar hipotesis David Seah waktu dia menulis tentang integrasi etnik di Malaysia, “Cuma bisa terjadi kalau mereka menentang kerajaan.”

Bukan cuma di Amerika Serikat saja agaknya demand of change menyerbak mewangi ketika ramai-ramai kaum muda mendukung Obama. Di Malaysia, sebuah negri yang nampaknya (dari luar) aman tentram, rupanya tidak sedikit yang berteriak, “Enough is enough! It’s time to change!” (gagah ya kedengarannya, hmm). Capek dong ya sama status quo melulu.

So, apakah Pak Lah akhirnya mundur? Bagaimana srikandi dari Keluarga Anwar Ibrahim selanjutnya? Iyakah demokrasi mulai masuk ke sini? Dan siapa tahu PRU mendatang pemantau luar negri boleh masuk ke sini, siapa tau tidak ada penipuan suara dengan mendaftarkan nama-nama orang-orang yang sudah meninggal, dan siapa tahu juga tidak ada lagi money politics. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya, 2008 ini cukup membuka mata sebagian petinggi BN aka kerajaan, ga semudah itu menutup saluran pengetahuan masyarakat, apalagi kalau negaranya sudah melek internet, kan. Wajah Anwar memang tidak banyak di TV, tapi di Blogs dan website-website? Hmm, ganteng hahaha.

Seru juga nih, mengingatkan saya pada kisah ‘a part of agents of change’ di 1998 (ingat dengan kisah kasihnya juga, nis? Hehehe)

minggir dong… ^^

Aduuh… kamu jangan duduk di situ dong! Kamu membuat aku gagu nih, dengan mata yang selalu melihat wajahku, mana bisa aku bicara dengan leluasa.
Iya, kamu yang aku maksud. Minggir sedikit bisa ngga duduknya? Kamu membuatku harus menarik nafas panjang sebelum berbicara. Walaupun tidak sedikitpun aku ragu bahwa kita akan kehabisan bahan pembicaraan; tapi ya..plis deh, minggir dikit, dan jangan terus-terusan memandangku begitu, tau!

Mungkin benar-benar ada kupu-kupu dalam perutku. Terbang beredar dalam lambung dan ususku, membuatku tidak bisa duduk tenang sebenarnya dan berharap aktingku cukup baik untuk menutupi kecemasan yang diakibatkan kamu, yang duduk di situ.

Di sebelahku, atau di hadapanku; kamu selalu begitu. Sama saja, tidak ada kemajuan. Membuatku tampak bodoh; padahal kemarin aku begitu meyakinkan berbicara di hadapan empat dosen senior di ruang sidang. Inilah sebabnya aku lebih memilih ym-ing, walau misunderstanding, but living is easy there. Tidak ada salah tingkah karena kamu terus memandangku.

Ough, aku ga suka banget deh begini. Kamu membuatku jadi begitu kekanak-kanakan, malu dengan semua yang berbentuk dan melekat di muka, rambut, tangan, kaos, skirt, sendal, kaki, … adakah yang salah dengan salah satu dari mereka; atau bahkan lebih? Aku jadi takut salah berjalan, salah menyuap tomyam di hadapanku, salah menjepit rambutku, salah … salah… salah… sebab dulu guruku suka memperhatikan hal-hal yang salah, dan mengabaikan hal-hal yang benar. maka kalau kamu memperhatikan aku seperti itu, adakah kamu seperti guruku dahulu? aduuh, apa yang salah ya??

Coba kalau kamu tidak duduk di situ… huuh

Minggiiiir… kamu ngga ngerti ya, bahwa aku baru bisa menulis dengan penuh inspirasi apabila aku bersusah hati. Dan malam ini, kamu yang duduk di situ, membuatku tidak bisa menulis dengan baik, tahu!

Ayo, tanggung jawab! ………………………………………………………………………………………
Ya, harus tanggung jawab dong!………………………………………………………………………..
Pokoknya kamu harus mengembalikan aku lagi seperti semula!…………………………….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Kapan kamu datang lagi dan duduk di situ? Aku tunggu ya……………………………..~^^

Thanks for the delivery service )

Aturan Main untuk Rayya Nafisya

Selamat Datang, Rayya!!!
Selamat pagi, selamat bergabung dengat tim sirkus (hehe…nggak deng, cuma macha aja kok yang suka ‘trapeze’ di “tim” kita ini).

Aku Macha-mu, seperti biasa tidak menyaksikan kedatangan kamu di pagi hari ini. Sebagai pembelaanku, kamu ‘adik’ ke-3ku tidak boleh protes kalau aku tidak menyambut kamu; sebab kedua kakak-kakakmu, yang artinya ‘adik-adikku’ juga, merekapun tidak aku temani ketika meneriakkan dzikir mereka pertama di muka bumi ini. Tapi jangan pernah berfikir aku tidak menantimu ya, Ray. Aku selalu penasaran apakah adik ke-3 ini (dan aku kakak pertama, seperti dunia persilatan, yeayy!!) kriting atau jabrig, hitam atau putih, keras kepala seperti bundanya atau tidak ^^.

Life is good, Rayya. Jangan dengarkan orang yang bilang kalau hidup itu melelahkan, atau kejam. Aku bicara begini bukan karena kamu baru datang sehingga aku berusaha untuk menutup-nutupi keadaan. Sampai kapanpun aku akan mengatakan hal yang sama, bahwa tidak ada yang begitu buruknya di dunia ini yang boleh membuat kamu tidak mensyukurinya.

Yes my sister, life’s good… if you know the ground rules. Dan kamu tahu, ada beberapa hal yang menjadi aturan main kita sebagai kakak – adik, yang sebenarnya masih kurang dipahami oleh kedua kakak laki-lakimu (dan mungkin kamu bisa bantu aku nantinya untuk menghadapi mereka, sekarang sudah dua lawan dua nih hehe). Here are the rules:

1. Walaupun kita berbeda generasi, dimana kamu adalah keponakanku, aku tetap akan anggap kamu sebagai adikku. Ini karena aku ingin kita tidak demikian jauhnya. Tidak ada gap (sebenarnya ada GAP buat kamu, warnanya pink hihi…) yang membuat kamu, dan kakak-kakakmu harus menjaga jarak, sikap, atas nama keseganan karena aku satu level dengan orangtua kalian. You know what, itu berarti kita bisa aja rebutan remote control, computer (yang biasanya dilakukan aku dan abang) atau ngumpetin crackers (yang biasa aku lakukan ke kaka). Dan boleh-boleh saja nanti kamu seperti abang yang ngambek: “Macha nakal. You’re so naughty lah, I don’t like you!” dengan Singlish yang kocak dan gaya lipat tangannya, seperti dia marah kepada teman-teman sekolahnya. Kita bisa berantem seperti aku dengan bunda-bunda kalian dulu.

2. Boleh kita main petak umpet, atau kejar-kejaran rebutan mainan, tapi… semua itu hanya DI RUMAH^^. Kadang abangmu masih lupa, dia suka mengajak aku main petak umpet dan balapan lari di mall. Whoa, itu dilarang ya, Ray. Di tempat-tempat umum, aku adalah tantemu yang dewasa, bijaksana, dan penyanyang keponakan-keponakannya. Dan kamu harus jalan bergandengan tangan dengan bundamu, bukan hanya dengan aku. Dan kalau kamu masih mau didorong dalam stroller, maka yang dorong bunda atau babeh, atau uwa-uwamu lah. Tidak boleh ada yang berfikir kalau aku ibumu ya, sebab itu merugikan aku. Bukan karena aku malu punya anak seperti kamu, itu tidak mungkin karena kalian semua very adorable. Tapi, ya rugi aja… suatu saat kalau kamu sudah besar akan mengerti hehehe.

3. Kamu boleh datang pada Macha-mu ini kapan saja, untuk masalah apa saja; kecuali kalau kamu kepingin pup atau harus ganti pampers.

4. Kamarku sudah menarik perhatian kedua kakakmu. Dan mungkin kamu juga akan tertarik. Kembalikan semua barang yang kamu baca/ gunakan ke tempatnya semula. Jangan penasaran pada benda-benda yang tidak boleh kamu sentuh ya.

5. Sebagai kakak – adik, mungkin kita akan berbeda pendapat tentang makanan, buku, film, dan sebagainya. Tapi, Kimi Raikonnen adalah cowok paling ganteng, okay?!

6. Umur 3 tahun kamu sudah harus bisa membedakan mana “kapal selam” dan mana “lenjeran”.

7. Kamu boleh nonton Barney seharian, atau Disney Playhouse. Tapi kadang-kadang kamu harus ‘berjuang’ untuk menontonnya sebab akan ada tantangan dari macha yang mau nonton siaran langsung F1 atau marathon CSI.

8. Jangan kabur kalau mau difoto dengan kamera macha (dan tolong bilangin ke kaka juga ya). Ia memang sedikit lebih besar, tapi dia tidak akan mencaplokmu.

9. Dilarang takut! Jangan takut salah pakai sendal terbalik antara kiri dan kanan, jangan takut jatuh saat main sepeda, jangan takut belepotan saat menulis dan menggambar, jangan malu-malu untuk bernyanyi dan ngomong sendiri.

10. Akan ada story-telling session bersama macha. Dan please, please, please jangan minta dibacain buku yang sama selama seminggu (dan ini juga harus kita sampaikan ke abang ya, Ray).

11. We’re family. Kadang-kadang pernyataan tersebut membuat kamu tidak bisa jalan-jalan sama teman-temanmu karena harus ikut arisan keluarga; dan itu juga membuat kamu harus menabung untuk membeli kadoku setiap Mei (hehe). Tetapi, itu juga yang akan membuat hidup itu benar-benar ‘good’ seperti yang aku sampaikan tadi.

12. Good luck, and fasten your seatbelt!

WELCOME!

Love,
Macha

jazz as well as iwan fals, so what

i have to say that this issue is actually outdate and i wrote this like almost a month ago. why didnt i put this at that time? i dont know exactly…

…… 

“You knew nothing until he introduced you to Jazz!” she shouted. “Don’t act smart, Nisa. You were just another listeners of Iwan Fals before he taught you jazz. And now, you’re boasting about jazz, as if you’re so sophisticated, so elite. Shame on you!”  

Amazed as usual, I could only almost laugh, cynically of course. At one point, she was right. I didn’t interested at all in jazz before I met him and after we had deep constant conversation, debates, and reading about the soul of the music. I had misjudged the music for so long. I thought it was a genre for elitist, the white-collar music. Until I found out that SGA, my favorite author, listened to it and I wonder why. Until we talked about the human rights movement in USA, the freedom expression, the egalitarianism, democracy, and the courage to be ‘one self’. As it takes knowledge and skill to improvise in jazz, it also takes learning to listen and appreciate that, my lady. And yes, I learned from him, I thank him.  

The sad part of her “agony in disguise” (I learned that hatred and anger always be the easiest form of agony and pain) was when she implied … (I know she would say: “I didn’t say that!” I said: Imply; that means you meant to say that. For someone whose major is Language, I believe you know what I am saying)

… “Iwan Fals” as music for the low-level SES (Social Economic Status), which is arguable, and I was such an underdog until he “saved” me to higher level. Haha! 

First, my spirit is on the street, there with so many people whose houses were drawn by flood, whose kids are ill and they couldn’t afford to go to school, whose been abused by their poverty, who doesn’t have any hope because it is too expansive for them. My soul is there as Iwan Fals sang the “Sore Tugu Pancoran” or when the Kantata Takwa (Iwan Fals, Rendra, Djodi, Jabo, …) mentioned about “Orang-orang kalah” and “Kesaksian”. They moved me, remind me of the people who wait for me to contribute, not to help them; for it is my responsibility, not my charity.

I protest, yes I still do, against corruption and the lame government, and Iwan spoke my voice when he sang: “wakil rakyat bukan paduan suara, hanya tahu nyanyian lagu setuju…”. I feel the Paman Doblang’s wisdom. I was shivered when listened to “Sang Petualang” for I knew that I am only a wanderer in this a huge world. So, here I would say that no matter how I listened to jazz and learn about it, I still appreciate Iwan Fals, but mostly only his 80s and early 90s songs, because he’s less ‘alarming’ and kinda too ‘romantic’ right now ^^.

so put a label on me, if you want. but it wont change who i am inside, exactly. i dont mind about label no more, as many secure people do.

Second, if you thought that jazz would make me forgets who I am, then think twice because maybe it was you who couldn’t tell your true color, girl. I was mesmerized by Alabama for I imagine the freedom riders, the anti segregation movement, the humanization. I had my own feeling for Keith Jarrett that I couldn’t tell you here because that would only make you crazy. I bought the Liberation Music Orchestra for that was their apologies for the re-election of Bush. And my friend sent me this “Strange fruits”… read about it and find why I appreciate it.

So, he didn’t me bring me to the nonsense level you implied. Didn’t he tell you that we both don’t even recognize that kind of hierarchy? I thought he is your tutor, why don’t you ask him about it? Ask him about what jazz is and maybe you could grasp the ‘egalitarian’ ideas. 

Third, you just hate me so much and you didn’t know how to put me in misery, so you recklessly use that “Iwan Fals” thing to attack me. You were too late at that time, I was been in the worst place ever, so you couldn’t make anything worse for me. So your effort only made me even been assured that I have moved on. Further from I thought, away from both of you.

 to my friends who are not indonesian:

Iwan Fals, if i could analogue him…probably it’s like “Rage against the mechine” or bob marley when he sang “redemption song”. any better analogue?

Softly, As in The Morning Sunrise

Good morning you all…

To all of you who would care about the world.

And care enough to wake up with smile while sipping your coffee, or tea, or milk.  

We are hanging on here, now, surviving to fit the world;

 although some of us still struggling not to fit the world.

Whatever, as long as we live our lives as we believe, that is good.

And yes, life is good. That’s what make today is the same as yesterday, that it is good. 

Some people woke up this morning in rush, because they had to be in their office at 9 yet it was 8.30 already.

Some woke up with protest for the neighbor played rock too loud.

Some woke up with whine for they had to end the sweet dreams which they didn’t think would ever come true in the crazy lives of theirs.

Some woke up with smile for they were on therapy that required them to make a forceful smile every morning to boost the positive energy.

And some woke up with listing their plans, start with the breakfast, the papers, the tasks, the presentations, the lunch… and then rushed into the bathroom and enthusiastic about fulfilling the plans.  

Softly, As in The Morning Sunrise; some people prayed as they woke up this morning.

They thanked The Lord for the good night sleeps they had. They thanked for the morning sunrise. They thanked for the family, who were with them in the past, in present, and for the ones who are about to become.

They thanked for the happiness, the sorrow, and the things that made their lives good. Because they who believe in God, they believe in good life.

And softly, kindly, they asked God to be kind, to help them all the way, all the day that they were about to begin. Some of them chanted their prayers, softly, as in the morning sunrise. 

And some people called their beloved ones as they woke up this morning. They called them as to wake the beloved ones: “Good morning, honey”… “Rise and shine, dear”… “How’s your sleep?”… Some of them got straight answers. Some got them over the phone, or text message.

But some people asked that through the morning breeze. For they believe that even though the words would never be heard by the beloved ones, the spirit and hope would always been sensed.  

Softly, As in The Morning Sunrise; I whispered as I ended my prayer: “And all those things I asked to Allah, I asked for you too… So, what’s the plan today?” 

Softly, As in The Morning Sunshine is a composition played by Modern Jazz Quarter (MJQ) – listened this morning from their “The Last Concert Album” year 1975  

yesterday, all my trouble seemed so…

14 february was yesterday.

i walked from faculty to my dorm – was yesterday afternoon.

i chanted the requiem – was yesterday morning.

i asked God to stop the time, or reverse it instead of moving it forward 

- was yesterday evening.

i said i was so sorry for every single little thing that i made wrong 

- was yesterday evening.

i took twice as much cough syrup than i should so that i could sleep

- was yesterday midnight.

i didn’t resist my tongue saying how much i missed the voice, the laugh, the jokes, the conversation, everything – was yesterday evening.

i said thankyou with all my heart and soul – was yesterday morning afternoon evening and night.

i asked God to take good care of me – was yesterday before i closed my eyes.

now, you may go …

so long my beloved best friend

americanized

Yes, that was me who in the picture, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, it’s Nisa Felicia Faridz, a truly Indonesian woman. A youngest daughter of The Faridz, who was born in Jakarta, was raised around Jakarta, and her parents were a hundred percent Indonesian as well. So, I am purely “made in Indonesia”.

The furthest place I’ve been visited was Shanghai, China, for only less than a week. And now I am staying around Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Asia. Never been to Europe, or America. Never been to Western countries. In fact, never been to any other continent but Asia. Yet, look at me in the picture, ladies and gentlemen.

I was wearing jeans. A skirt that I got when Levi’s was on sale in KL, lucky me. And I love it.

I also was wearing leather boots. Yeah, I know somehow it’s American culture (I mean, cowboys) that originated the style of Boots. And I have to say that I am crazy about boots.

Last but the significant part was, I was holding a jazz magazine. Jazz, the formerly known as Black Music, the kind of Afro-American music that was firstly developed in New Orleans around 1920s. And yes, I love jazz too.

And to add the information, even though you couldn’t see it, the t-shirt I was wearing there was my favorite black t-shirt, “Super Girl”, an American super heroine (Ough, somebody should make a cool design of “Srikandi” tshirt, please! Or maybe Cut Nyak Dhien… oh no, she was real, it’s not fun. So, we’re lack of female super hero in Indonesia? Hmm…)

So, after I saw this picture in my computer, I started to remember what my best friend Yanwar once told me, “Nisa, you’re so much influenced by American culture.”

And at that time I denied that because he whom never met me in person couldn’t be so judgmental.  And in fact, I told him just because I loved Toni Morrison’s books, jazz, and softball; it didn’t make me “Americanized”.  Then he said another reasons such as my way of thinking and making decision. Not so interesting to talk about, though. Hehehe.

But now, just now, I realized… maybe he was right. I am Americanized, as more specified rather than just ‘westernized’. And it made me a little uncomfortable, actually. Not because I against Bush (I mean all The Bushes family… hehe…”bushes”??) or I consider Western as materialistic people and I am not. It was simply because I don’t want to be like American. I am Indonesian. I don’t want to look like American (and by the “look like American”, I mean mentally not physically. I am sure that no one will consider me as Western regarding my under-tall-heights and over-burnt-skin). I don’t feel proud at all when Yanwar said that, or when I realized about jeans, boots, jazz, and apple pie of McDonald that I love.

American people are not better than my people. I could say that for I couldn’t understand why George W. Bush was re-elected again. American people are not smarter that Indonesian, and the other way around. There were no research evident showed that Caucasian are smarter that indonesian (What is our race anyway? Melanesian? I don’t think so. Indo-something? Hehe, citation needed).

Another story, I had to buy this book last semester as I took ‘educational psychology’ class. That was the latest edition of the book, published in 2007. The former edition was published in 2005. I tried to criticize what was the difference between those two, because if it was only about the pictures and insignificant, then I would like to e-mail the publisher and did the complain. But then I found out. Before, in 2005 edition, they didn’t put the topic about “Gay/ Lesbian parents” and the “Parents with addictive problems” while they did in the latest edition. I knew about the rule of textbook, that they wouldn’t put minor issue as sub-chapters (only for examples). So if it had become sub-chapters, then the issues were significant in the respected country, United States; or maybe in the West. Did the issues correspond the situation in Indonesia? I should say “no” about this, for there wasn’t any evidence that the similar cases has occurred and rose time to time; and significantly affected the learning process in major schools over the country.

Why would I be like, or even proud to look like American, then? Nada!

Then what makes some people (in Indonesia) feel proud when they act as if they are American, speaking like hip-hopers, hang the stars-and-stripes-flag on the wall in their bedroom, and wear oversized pants and t-shirt with bling-bling necklace? And when they meet their friends, they say: “what’s up, Nigga?!” Geez, man, you are not even African American! And the worst part was when I heard there was this celebrity who said that speaking Malay language was only made her look silly. Meanwhile for me, saying so would make her look so silly. But I mixed up between Indonesian and Malaysian here. Pardon me. Oh well, let me just finish my gibberish talk by saying that Americanized yourself wouldn’t make you look good; instead it would only make you look lost and stupid.

Ough… but then, who am I to judge when I am writing this (using my Mac) with Charlie Haden music in my earphone? The food that I have just about taken was salmon sandwich, not so Indonesian either. But hey, Thank God my coffee is Java blend, however )

*Salam Indonesiaku!

*Salut to my Indonesia!

Ps.

I learned how good “Krakatau Band”(Indonesian contemporary band which blend traditional instrument with ‘band’) after I learned Afro-Cuban Jazz. So, after I was “Americanized” I believe that I would be brought to my roots again. So I’ll show you my pictures in Kebaya and Sarong Batik )

And I have to mention that the reason why I wrote in English was so that my Western friends (as well as ‘westernized’ ones) could understand how “Indonesian” I am ^^.